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Sleep Number Beds, Coors Light & a McDonald's Franchise...

Thursday, 20 December 2018 23:10

The MTN Guys are bursting with yuletide cheer. It we could, we'd give every Minnesota triathlete a great gift for Christmas.

But we lack means and imagination, so once again, we are going to pretend to give stuff to various prominent triathletes.

Today we are giving imaginary gift cards. 

JAN GUENTHER (18 x MMA winner; 2 x Ironman Wisconsin winner) - We want her to have a $5000 "Sleep Number" gift card. We visited one of their stores not long ago and were very impressed. We both fell asleep while testing one of the beds! According to the sales person, one of us--the one who's name rhymes with "Poody"- did NOT snore, and the other one, ..

a part-time insomniac, was REMing like a banshee. Because Jan works and plays harder than anyone, we want to make sure that she gets her eight hours of daily unconsciousness.

Our guess is that she is a "40."

MATTHEW PAYNE - (4 x Minnesota Triathlete of the Year) - There are two things that Matt loves almost as much as his awesome family--Tiffany, Mikey and Riles: Coors Light and Chipotle. We, therefore, want him to have gift cards from the Golden Valley Liquor Barrel and Chipotle Mexican Grill. FYI - Matt prefes burritos to "bowls." His typical order features steak, white rice, no beans or fajitas, pico de gallo, lettuce and extra cheese, plus a bag of tortilla chips.

JENNIFER FITZHARRIS FUNK (2018 Minneapolis Sprint winner) - - JFF loves her dogs more than life itself, even though Miles is a "chewer." Koa appears to be better behaved. We want her to have a PetSmart gift certificate to cover her best friends' lifelong food, play, grooming and veterinary needs.

KEVIN O'CONNOR - Kevin likes McDonalds burgers and fries as much as JFF loves her dogs and Pain Train loves his Rocky Mountain refreshment. We wanted to get him a gift card, but decided instead to pretend to buy him a franchise that can be erected on his front lawn.

WADE CRUSER (2018 Minnesota Triathlete of the Year) - Like Rod Raymond, Wade doesn't get around to getting his hair cut for years at time.(Both guys rock a top knot.) We think it's time for Wade to see a barber or a stylist. Recently, we read some glowing reviews of "Lyle's Barber Shop," which is in Cruser's hometown. A guy named "Mickey" called his experience "male pampering at its finest." A semi-literate guy named "G" called Lyle a "Great guy" who did "fenominal work!!" Yes, he doubled up on the exclamation marks.

So, we want give Wade a pretend gift card to Lyle's for quarterly trims (Wade likes to keep his hair long) that will include reminder calls from Lyle himself, so Wade doesn't forget.