Race Previews

Kitchy As All Get-Out...

Thursday, 26 August 2010 05:00

Race Preview - The Brainerd Lakes area is totally cool. Very lakey and verdant with plenty of fast food restaurants and places to get ice cream.

But when you think of the BLA--cool acronym for Brainerd Lakes Area--two things immediately come to mind...

That's right!

Hokey statues of fictitious woodsmen and putt putt golf.

The city of Brainerd has at least a gazillion hokey statues of Paul Bunyan, many of which have an equally hokey statue of Babe the Blue Ox alongside. Heck, one of the hokey statues talks (photo above left). And with a totally hokey "ya ya-betcha" Scandihoovian accent, no less!

No kidding! Check out this link: TALKING PAUL

Don't get us wrong. The hokey-ness of the statues is totally cool. In fact, it's as "Kitchy" as "all get-out." (Who came up with that phrase? "All get-out.") We're glad that the "artists" who "crafted" these gazillion-or-so hokey statues are of the "local" variety, and not "World Class" sculpturers like the guy who chiseled "David" (photo right), who was totally naked, ripped, had immense hands and no irises.

And then there's the putt putt golf thing. There are more than 1000 places to putt in the BLA, more than half of which are nowhere near a real golf course and have cheesy astroturf surfaces and windmills. Our favorite putt putt place is the Paul Bunyan Wilderness Putt Putt Adventureland Extravaganza-Palooza and Gift Shop, or PBWPPAEP & GS, for short, in the bucolic BLA community of Baxter.

And by the way, there is a great triathlon in Baxter. (Great segue, huh!) It's called the Lakes Country, it's the final event in the popular and well-produced Tri-MInnesota Series, and will be staged at Whipple Lake this Sunday. We're not sure, but you may still be able to get in. RACE WEBSITE

RACE PREDICTIONS: Sam Janicki will time-trial his way to a significant lowering of the men's course record. Why? It's what he does. It will be the 5th win of the 2010 season for this silly-fast tri-rookie.

The women's field will be, by far, the deepest in the history of this event. This will be the ninth running of LCT since its name was changed in 2003. The predecessor event, which was launched in either 1999 or 2000 by a totally pretty and nice and insanely blond woman named Angela, was known as the "Whipple Wave."

We asked Zippy the Gibbon to predict the TOP 10 women. After playing with his lips for 35 minutes, he presented us with this list. Remember, he is a primate and his spelling isn't that great.

1. Misshell Anndrees, 2. Bruck Lahrsun, 3. Kristelle Kipperham, 4. Jewly Hendrecksun, 5. Geenah Oggstone, 6. Aimy Clostrophobia, 7. Lorel Sunburger, 8. Sahrah Mowur, 9. Robin Tedlund (good job, Skip!), 10. Spam Teevunz.

(Translation: 1. Michelle Andres (photo), 2. Brooke Larsen, 3. Christel Kippenhan, 4. Julie Hendrickson, 5. Jena Ogston, 6. Amy Klosterman, 7. Laurel Sundberg, 8. Sawra Maurer, 9. Robin Tedlund, 10. Pam Stevens.