Race Previews

Hunky-Dory in Hudson...

Thursday, 02 September 2010 05:00

St. Croix Valley Sprint Preview -WARNING: Some of this stuff is made up.

The 10th edition of the unmitigatedly hunky-dory St. Croix Valley Sprint Triathlon will be staged on Saturday in the All American and All Wisconsinian river town of Hudson, which incidently, was founded many years ago by an intrepid explorer from French Canadia named Hudson St. Croix. Hudson selected the site for the town that would eventually bear his name because of its proximity to the I-94 Bridge. This allowed him to cross into the Minnesota Territory and buy stuff, important supplies like tobacco and feedbags for his horses, in Oakdale, which was only a half day's horseyback ride from his settlement that was originally named Muttsville, after his faithful, though mangy, multi-indeterminate-breed dog. Changing the community's name to "Hudson" was the idea of his wife Anais (photo), an otherwise lovely woman who had a goiter the size of a crenshaw melon...

But we digress.

The point of this preview is to predict stuff about the race. So here goes:

* We predict that Steve Bongers, brother of Race Director Mark Bongers, will eat six roast pork sandwiches; three with BBQ sauce, two with mayo and one plain.

* We predict that ultra-amiable Gregg Gerrittson will smile a lot and deliver a pork sandwich, with BBQ sauce, rice and pineapple and two diet soft drinks to the race announcer.

* We predict that more than one participant will complete in a "Wild River" tri-suit.

* We predict that at least one member of the race staff will stop at Barker's Bar & Grill on his or her way home and order two dozen #7 Buffalo Wings to go. This person believes that Croixathlon co-director Amy Brendmoen is a total liar when she claims that she routinely consumes the incendiary #8s.

* We predict that Nathaniel Tollefson will either ride a Felt or a black & white Cervelo.

* We predict that Susan Williams will be very tall.

What's that you say? You were expecting a different kind of prediction? Like who will win or do really, really good?

Okay.

* We predict that either Brendon "The Green Pacifist" O'Flanagan or Nick Madrinich will win and Jim Felling will take 3rd.

* We predict that Susan Williams, the really tall girl, will become at two-time champ. She also won in 2005. She'll be pushed super hard by Greta Simpson. Tina Welzien will finish in the bronze medal position.

* We also predict that Tyler Hecht, 17 and a totally cool young man, will win his AG. Jim McDonnell, 57, will also win his division, as will Lee Franz, 51. A victory for Lee will be her fifth straight.

* We predict that several of these predictions will be wrong.

* And we predict that, as Ironman writer and best-selling author Lee Gruenfeld often finishes his articles, "... a good time will be had by all."